AITA for telling my son in-law’s wife she will never take my daughter’s place?

I lost my daughter Abby 7 years ago. She was married to Scott and had three children with him who are now 11, 12 and 14. Scott and my grandkids stayed part of the family and last year Scott remarried. His current wife is Beth. We all knew Beth for a few years prior to the wedding and she was always very friendly. Though at times she could be a little pushy. Scott would always handle that though. After they got married Beth’s pushiness got worse and Scott appears to have lost control.

Beth was upset when she dropped my grandkids off one day that we had not added photos of her to our house and commented as such. In our living room we have a display with photos of our kids and their weddings. She felt her and Scott’s wedding should be there.

She was upset when my grandkids spent Mother’s Day with us and our extended family and we did not include her. Scott wasn’t invited either. Mother’s Day is a difficult day for him due to a bad relationship with his own mother. But Beth said we should invite her too because she’s part of the family and then she said she’s one of our kids too. I asked her what she meant and she told me she is obviously going to be one of our kids now that she’s the mother figure for our grandkids. I told Scott what she said and he was embarrassed and told me he would speak to her.

Beth was also upset when my husband posted on Facebook to say something about our kids and she didn’t get mentioned as one of our kids, but as Scott’s wife (we mentioned Scott and how wonderful he was to Abby and how wonderful he is as a father).

For my grandson’s 14th birthday, we were all together and he wanted a “mom’s side” photo. Beth attempted to get into the photo and when Scott tried to remind her she said she’s part of the family now. He pulled her aside and the photo was taken without her. But she told one of my sons after that she felt like we weren’t treating her as a daughter and then said Scott never treated her as a lesser wife.

We saw them a little over Christmas and Beth was upset that we got them a joint gift (for her and Scott) instead of getting her one alone. She told me she’s tired of feeling like she’s not really family and she said she feels like we always put Abby first when she’s here now. I saw red after this and I told her she can never take my daughter’s place and the fact she ever thought she could is outrageous. She told me the kids call her mom and they think the world of her so why wouldn’t we. I told her the kids have always called her Beth when I hear them and she turned around and said that’s our fault because the kids should be calling her mom and they don’t. She lost it from there. Beth stormed out and I explained what happened to Scott. He apologized and left the kids with us so he could speak to her.

I think they worked it out but Beth said I was needlessly cruel to imply she’s not as good as Abby and doesn’t deserve to be our daughter. AITA?

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